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December 23, 2018 by Dr. Kyle Varner in Obesity

Have you ever wondered why Santa Claus is fat?

A lot of kids badly want to ask their parents, but they’re afraid to. They know it’s rude to ask about people’s weight and they also know that, just like the NSA, Santa Claus is watching them. I’m a grown man who buys his own presents and I’m a medical doctor, so I may as well be the one to spill the beans.

Santa gets lots of exercise delivering presents, hauling the huge bag of toys, and driving that sleigh around the whole world, but none of it seems to do him any good. He’s just as big today as he was in 1939, when he posed for Norman Rockwell on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post.

The reason Santa is fat is because he eats so many cookies. All the processed carbohydrates from all the cookies he eats cause a hormonal dysregulation making it so that Santa is morbidly obese.Why is Santa Fat?

The ‘calories in, calories out’ hypothesis about obesity is incomplete. When I was obese in my early years, I thought it was because I lacked the control necessary to restrict my caloric intake. But really, it had nothing to do with my personal control.

The human body regulates weight in the same way as it regulates temperature, blood sugar, heart rate and reproduction: through a complex interplay of hormones and brain signals. If you get cold, your body automatically starts producing more heat. If you start running, your heart automatically beats faster.

The normal human body is not obese–even in the presence of too many calories. Too many calories may indeed cause some weight gain, but picking up a few pounds and being obese are two completely different ball parks. Obesity is a disease state caused by dysregulation of two hormones: insulin and leptin.

As a growing number of Americans are eating more and more processed carbohydrates in their daily diet, obesity and diabetes have proportionally increased in this country. It’s not surprising at all. The average adult consumes nearly a pound of processed sugar, flour and corn products every day, and has for years. This is a disease-inducing amount of toxic food.

Most of the flour used in most cookies (and other baked goods) is refined grain flour, which is much whiter in color than whole grain flour. Refined grain flour also contains significantly fewer of the B vitamins, minerals, and fibers found in whole grain.

We can’t forget all that sugar that’s required to make these cookies so sweet and delicious. There’s a good chance the store-bought cookie dough you’re using isn’t even made with real sugar, but artificial sweeteners like high fructose corn syrup, which many think is far more harmful than cane sugar. That’s one of the compounds most associated with developing Type 2 diabetes!

So why is Santa Fat? Its all sugar and flour in those damn cookies! All that sugar and flour is deranging Santa’s ability to regulate his own weight in a healthy way.

If you want to start crafting a healthy diet, the first thing you must do is cut out the worst offenders: processed carbohydrates–the number one dietary villain for most Americans.

So if I could offer any advice to Santa, it would be to start withholding presents and leaving coal for all those who are trying to kill him by feeding him all those cookies.

This information is intended to help readers be more informed about their health options when speaking with a professional, but it should not be used alone to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any disease or condition. Be sure to speak to a qualified doctor before taking any action to make sure that your choices reflect your actual health situation.

Comments (1)

  1. Ken says:

    Brilliant!!!

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